she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
