In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
