We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
