The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
