the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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