It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
