Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I believe in your delicious
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
