she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
