I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
