I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
