Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
