Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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