I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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