the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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