Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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