I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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