They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sex in a hospital.. check
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
