my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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