Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
