Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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