dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
