the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
