When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
