I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
