She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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