So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
