your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
