You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
