So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
