worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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