We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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