So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
