He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
