We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
