I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
