My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
