he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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