You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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