we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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