i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
