Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
