Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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