I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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