drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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