I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
