What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
