spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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