my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
