I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
