That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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