The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
