OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
