If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Who died my cat blue again?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
